Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
