That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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