stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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