I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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