she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
