We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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