So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
