The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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