Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
