Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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