areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
