at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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