I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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