Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
