I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
