is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
