If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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