I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
