Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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