too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
