he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
