I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
