It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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