Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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