My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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