I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
