Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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