the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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