I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
