I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
