dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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