Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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