I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
