You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
