My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
