You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
