he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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