If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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