Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
