no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
