so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize