EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
