The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
