So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
