I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
