I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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