All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
