just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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