I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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