I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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