Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
