Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
