im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
