I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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