she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
