Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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