i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
