Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
