Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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